It has only been 2 days in the new year of 2019 and I am already having anxiety attacks. I woke up this morning later than usual; I slept in til like 11:30. I felt great when I woke up but that didn't last long. My step father (we'll call him Mr. C) seemingly woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning. I went to make me some food and he yelled at me for like 5 minutes for something utterly stupid.
I don't get why he has to start shit with me. He is the adult in this relationship but he seems to act like the child. Me and the Mr. C has totally different opinions on everything!! I cannot have a simple opinion without him fighting about it with me. Once we were talking and he called the LGBT group (which I am apart of since I am indeed transgender) a huge cult. He said that if straight people acted anything like LGBT people do then they would be hated on, but no LGBT people can act anyway they want. This utterly pissed me off, he has no idea how hard it is to be apart of the LGBT group. Sorry for getting off topic....today I wanted to talk about my anxiety and what it consists of. I have mental and physical social anxiety and regular everyday anxiety. Little things can trigger my anxiety like public speaking, getting yelled at or left on read, or even just messing up on something small. Something that gives me really bad anxiety is gym. I know it's weird but let me explain. In the sixth grade (before I came out as trans) I had to dress in the ladies room. I would get made fun of, called a dyke and butch. I would get called a pervert because I presented masculine and looked some what as a dude. Now don't get me wrong I did not what so ever want to be in the ladies locker room but according to the school's policy I had to. After being bullied for said things it left me with a gut wrenching trigger towards gym class. I cannot step foot in a gym without an increase in my breathing and a small anxiety attack. I cannot think of participating in gym class without having a large anxiety attack that leaves me mentally drained and paranoid. Being out in public also gives me really bad anxiety attacks. I feel like i'm always being judged and that i'm not safe. That is where I will end for today, leave a comment about your triggers and how you calm yourself down when it happens. -Peace Out, Anonymous Boy.
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Anonymous Boy-You don't know me and I don't know you. But here you are reading my most deep dark secrets and feelings...enjoy. ArchivesCategories |
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